What Facebook taught me about learning to say NO

August 16, 2009 in Conversations in Public,discourse,participation,social net

I could be a better decision maker. There, I’ve said it. Not that I’m totally indecisive or stubborn, but sometimes I just have a hard time prioritizing. I’m the type who used to say yes to almost anything – I blame the Second City improv training that taught us the concept of “yes…and”.
If you asked me to see a band play, I’d say yes even if I secretly thought the band was crap. If you asked me to meet you for an after work drink, I’d say yes then later realize it’s logistically impossible to do so. Triple booking on a Thursday night left it impossible to attend all events in question.
I had earned a bit of a reputation of what my mom likes to call a “flibbergibbit”. Maybe it’s a fear of commitment – I’m not sure, but I’ve gotten much better.
Facebook makes me face these issues head-on to a degree. Are you actually attending this event? Are you friends with this person? Simply put: Yes, or NO?
And of course there’s a loophole for events: the option of saying …”maybe”. What do all of those maybes mean anyway? Do we really mean “I’ll think about it and actually consider attending your event?” or are we just being polite?
My friend Jeff sees it all on my FB feed. “Are you really going to all of these events?” He asks. I told him the truth – mostly, I will. Mostly.
Friend requests are easier. Either I know you, or I don’t. Velvet rope. Easy.  Done. Decision made.
At first it was hard to kibosh friend requests – aw this person wants to be my FRIEND! How sweet. I learned fast as the friendship almost immediately turns irritating when my news feed becomes cluttered with random musings from a total stranger.
Groups are an easy one because most of the time you’ll never hear from them again. Pages are trickier because they’ll also show up in your feed and do I really want everyone to know that I’m secretly a fan of Weinerschnitzel?  (speaking hypothetically here. The truism for me would be more like, hypo-allergenic vegan non-soy based vegetable protein).
MySpace was a mad race to connect to everything and everyone. With that lesson learned, FB has taught us to be more selective. This forces us to make decisions about who and what we want to include in our (online) life – or more importantly, let everyone know we care about.I’m the type who used to say yes to almost anything – I blame the Second City improv training that taught us the concept of “yes…and”.

I used to be the type who was agreeable to attending almost anything – I blame the Second City improv training that brought us the concept of “yes…and.”

If you asked me to see a band play, I’d say yes even if I secretly thought the band was crap. If you asked me to meet you for an after work drink, I’d say yes then later realize it’s logistically impossible to do so.

Triple booking on a Thursday night left it impossible to attend all events in question.

I had earned a bit of a reputation of what my mom likes to call a “flibbergibbit”. Maybe it’s a fear of commitment – I’m not sure, but I’ve gotten much better.

Facebook makes me face these issues head-on to a degree. Are you actually attending this event? Are you friends with this person?

Simply put: Yes, or NO?

And of course there’s a loophole for events: the option of saying …”maybe”. What do all of those maybes mean anyway?

Do we really mean “I’ll think about it and actually consider attending your event?” or are we just being polite?

My friend Jeff sees it all on my FB feed. “Are you really going to all of these events?” He asks. I told him the truth – mostly, I will.

Mostly.

Friend requests are easier. Either I know you, or I don’t.

Velvet rope. Easy. Decision made.

At first it was hard to kibosh friend requests – aw, this person wants to be my FRIEND! How sweet.

I learned fast when the new friendship almost immediately turns sour, when my news feed quickly becomes cluttered with random musings from a total stranger.

Groups are an easy one to moderate because once you join, you can control how often you’d like to hear from the group.

Pages are trickier because they’ll also show up in your feed and do I really want everyone to know that I’m secretly a fan of Wienerschnitzel?  (speaking hypothetically here. The truism for me would be more like, hypo-allergenic vegan non-soy based vegetable protein).

MySpace was a mad race to connect to everything and everyone. With that lesson learned, FB has taught us to be more selective. This forces us to make decisions about who and what we want to include in our (online) life – and how that can apply to decisions we make every day.